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Getting out of Dodge

Stevieslaw: Kansas Poised to Pass “Safe Passage” Act

The Kansas State Legislature, led by the compassionate Christian Right, seems poised to pass a bill that will guarantee the “safe passage” of some of its citizens through Kansas to the border with Colorado—“provided they leave within 48 hours of the bill becoming law.”  So far the list of citizens eligible for safe passage includes: gays, uppity women, people not sufficiently prone to sunburn, those not sufficiently Christian, students enrolled in the humanities, and people who stutter.  A spokesperson for Kansas Governor, Sam Brownback, has said that “Sam has indicated that the bill has passed his litmus test---it’s no crazier than the legislation they introduce daily,” and that he will likely sign it into law.

The spokesperson, Bigo Tree, was careful to point out that, “this safe passage act says nothing about what will happen to those eligible citizens who do not take advantage of the new law, although some Kansans might consider that provocation.” 

In a related story, the Arizona State Legislature met in emergency session last night.  Apparently, angry conservatives, at least as compassionate as their brethren in Kansas, would like to know just how they were scooped on this terrific legislative act.

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