Smokey Diamond, our intrepid reporter, was on Sixth Avenue in Manhattan this morning checking out the new headquarters of Fear Central.  It’s right next door to Fox News.  Fear Central is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Republican National Committee although many of the Fox people have joint appointments.  “It’s not a pleasant place to be,” said Smokey, “Every few minutes someone gives out a blood curdling scream.”  “They have several cubbies filled with fearful looking people drenched in sweat, who apparently do nothing all day but moan “Oh My God, Oh My God, it’s the end of the America I know and love.”

Smokey was able to meet with Stephen Poe King, chief spokesperson for Fear.  Steve is well known for his groundbreaking work on the fear driven, anti-flag burning amendment to the constitution that failed by one vote in the Senate in 2006.  Rumor has it that he was also responsible for the phrase: “If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.” 

“Smokey,” he said, “I have two words for you—voter fraud.”  “That is the reason, in conjunction with Republican patriots everywhere we are demanding that voters present official and up to date photo ids.”  “Birth certificates to accompany the ids would be better yet,” he noted. Smokey asked if the people at Fear were afraid that demanding photo ids would make it harder for the elderly and the poor to vote.  King responded, “While I understand that in some liberal circles this might be a concern, we have a much larger problem in voter fraud, which if left unchecked will destroy the America we know and love.” “Be afraid,” he added. “Be very afraid.”

Undaunted, Smokey wanted to know from King just how big the scope of the problem was.  “Currently,” King continued. “We have 14 confirmed cases from the mid-term elections alone.”  “We anticipate an increase of up to 15% by the end of the month, as Fox is chasing down two cases in the swing state of Kansas.”  “Voter fraud is poised to go viral,” he added.

Stephen King went on to say that the number of things real American patriots have to be afraid of has been growing so rapidly that it’s has been hard to stay out in front of them. “That is why we are so excited about the “Fear of the Month Club Smart Phone App.”    “Moreover, the APP is only 99 cents a month,” he continued. “With the money going to support real American patriots like Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum and Sarah Palin.”  “It’s a win-win for America,” he ended—showing Smokey the exit.

As Smokey left, his smart phone buzzed to announce a six month trial download of the “Fear of the Month Club.”  This month’s fear—“The unelected president—can we stop the Obama voter fraud machine in 2012? 

Speaking of stopping, at Stevieslaw, we fear there is no way, short of rapture, to stop the downloads.