The nation section of our local, the Centre Daily Times, picked up an article out of Washington today declaring that the White House has no evidence that extraterrestrials exist. Apparently, the White House has a feature on its website that allows people to submit petitions that they must answer. In response to questions about extraterrestrials, Phil Larson of the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy said that the White House has no evidence that life exists outside the earth, or that any member of the human race has ever been contacted by ET.
No matter how you come down on the issue, it is quite clear that no one at the White House, from the ground floor up, has been listening to the Republican Presidential Debates or reading the Republican candidates statements in the News. Clearly, they are sadly unprepared for the reelection campaign.

Stevieslaw: Reworking “My Cousin Vinnie.**”
At Stevieslaw, we are shopping an idea for a “Cousin Vinny” remake—be sure to tell your many Hollywood director/producer friends. In our rewrite, a Joe Pesci look alike and a Ralph Macchio look alike have a hell of a good time in a small town in Mississippi. Too good a time. Under the new Mississippi law, they are charged with murder by birth control. The young and ambitious district attorney seeks the death penalty, as a headline grabber. They are saved in the end by the Marisa Tomei character—a wise cracking, New York accented young woman, with a truly encyclopedic understanding of birth control methods.
Tell me you wouldn’t go see this movie twice.

**Voting on Conception as Legal Start of Life
By ERIK ECKHOLM –NY Times 10/26/11

Wall Street Wheat
When I was a graduate student, way back before the beginning of recorded time, board games were still the rage. A group of us would meet at someone’s place, late at night, and play Monopoly or the world conquest game Risk. We also played a game based on the Chicago Commodities Market, called Pit. In it, we tried to corner the market in some commodity by trading with each other. As I recall, trading was accomplished by each of us holding up commodity cards while screaming for a trade at the top of our lungs. You had to drink a lot of beer to be successful at the game, but the playing field was level and the beer made the game just that much more fun.
I just received a new version of the game from Amazon and was astonished to learn that the rules have changed. In the new version, you and your friends get to sit in a corner somewhere and worry about the price of staples—food, heating oil, and gasoline, why Wall Street fat cats in suits bid for the commodities through stylized computer codes.
Beer anyone?

As we all secretly believe, fact is like fashion. The fashion model, Heidi Klum, who hosts the runaway hit show Project Runway says it best, “In fashion, one day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” That’s why our intrepid reporter, Smokey Diamond, was so pumped to test the hot new app, “She loves me—or not,” available exclusively at Stevieslaw. Smokey says, “With facts, as with fashion, one day they’re correct the next day not. “Now you can use the SLM-ON app to test any “fact” for instant accuracy, just as long as the test can be posed as a simple yes or no question.”
Have trouble believing the earth is round? Ask forty-four million of your equally misinformed peers their opinion. Today, you will find that 57% believe it is not. Bingo—today, the earth is flat. And, tomorrow? Excited yet?
SLM-ON can help with the simplest fashion questions, “Should I buy this new blue shirt because it makes me look thin (just upload the photo)” to the thorniest of philosophical queries—“Is there a God and does he look like Woody Allen?” (1.Yes 14%: 2. Yes 87%: 3.Yes 86%). Can’t sleep? Stay up all night and watch the evolution (pun intended) of your truth.
Real Americans will be happy to note that SLM-ON has already been warmly endorsed by the Tea Party.

Even here at Stevieslaw, a liberal sinkhole if ever there was one, we recognize the existence of things of intrinsic good—or values, if you will—the touch and voice of a loved one, the delightful babble of a baby playing with new found sounds, the laughter of an old friend. The things we “believe in” are precious, often fleeting, often intensely personal, and impossible to base a government on.
Today’s article by David Lightman, of McClatchy Newspapers, touched on the history of the tea party movement—a loosely organized group of mostly disaffected Republicans, who see both traditional political parties as proponents of big government. The poorly worded survey that followed the article was more revealing. When asked “what qualities are most important to you in deciding who to support for the GOP nomination,” 35% responded—share your values—while 18% said—is closest to you on the issues—which we interpret as more votes for values. Only 24% responded with—has the experience to govern.
Let us agree to run the country on the things we value—I vote for the miracle of a gentle rain on the morning of a fine day in early spring. Who’s with me?